One of these things took a dive towards my ear today while I was walking outside the church. I thought it was one of those big beetles at first so I didn't think much about it. However, after I went inside to get something and then came back out I saw it crawling up the side of the building. It was then that I mouthed something like, "Holy mother of something or other!"
I had never seen a bug like this so stinking big. It looked like a regular Dirt Dobber but about 10 times the size of a normal wasp. Come to find out it is called a Tarantula Hawk. The stinking thing attacks tarantulas for goodness sakes. I could have been killed man! The one I saw was at least as big as the one in this video but maybe even bigger. The video doesn't really show you how huge these things are but trust me it was nothing but a spawn of Satan. You can tell then the thing flies off that you can still see it in the distance.
I was not as nice to mine as these people in the video were to theirs. Mine got his head smashed into the sidewalk with a stick. But not before he amazed me. Get this. I encountered him at approximately 9:30 am. I managed to cut his head off his body but it was hanging on by a very thin sliver of skin. An hour and a half later when we got back to the church I saw him and he had crawled about 3 feet away from the scene of the crime (head in tow) and was still trying to fly. I then completely removed his head and he still wouldn't die. In fact his tongue or whatever was still going in and out. I finally gave him a proper burial.
Come to find out... these things have a sting that is extremely painful for humans. Check out the Schmidt Sting Pain Index Scale below.
1.0 Sweat bee: Light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm.
1.2 Fire ant: Sharp, sudden, mildly alarming. Like walking across a shag carpet & reaching for the light switch.
1.8 Bullhorn acacia ant: A rare, piercing, elevated sort of pain. Someone has fired a staple into your cheek.
2.0 Bald-faced hornet: Rich, hearty, slightly crunchy. Similar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door.
2.0 Yellowjacket: Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine W. C. Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.
2.x Honey bee and European hornet: Like a matchhead that flips off and burns on your skin.
3.0 Red harvester ant: Bold and unrelenting. Somebody is using a drill to excavate your ingrown toenail.
3.0 Paper wasp: Caustic & burning. Distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.
4.0 Tarantula hawk: Blinding, fierce, shockingly electric. A running hair drier has been dropped into your bubble bath.
4.0+ Bullet ant: Pure, intense, brilliant pain. Like fire-walking over flaming charcoal with a 3-inch rusty nail in your heel.
1.8 Bullhorn acacia ant: A rare, piercing, elevated sort of pain. Someone has fired a staple into your cheek.
2.0 Bald-faced hornet: Rich, hearty, slightly crunchy. Similar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door.
2.0 Yellowjacket: Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine W. C. Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.
2.x Honey bee and European hornet: Like a matchhead that flips off and burns on your skin.
3.0 Red harvester ant: Bold and unrelenting. Somebody is using a drill to excavate your ingrown toenail.
3.0 Paper wasp: Caustic & burning. Distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.
4.0 Tarantula hawk: Blinding, fierce, shockingly electric. A running hair drier has been dropped into your bubble bath.
4.0+ Bullet ant: Pure, intense, brilliant pain. Like fire-walking over flaming charcoal with a 3-inch rusty nail in your heel.
Apparently these things are only supposed to be in the dessert... However, one migrated!
So you're welcome everybody... because today I saved the world!
9 comments:
Imagine how many baby tarantula hawks you could feed.
That sounded like a fat joke, and it might have been. Who knows.
Thanks for saving the world!!
spam...
Schmidt Sting Pain Index Scale..good grief.. there are scales and measurements for everything. I love it. Especially the first one. How in the world do you describe a sting as "fruity"?? I loved it..hilarious.
WOW! You are so Bear Grylls, that guy from Man vs. Wild. I am only mildly impressed, I have to admitt. If you had eatten it, then you would have been like a rock star.
Also, it is not surprising that it is here in our beloved Sanger when it resides in the desert when one thinks on the tempratures we have been experiencing.
Yeah my mom's a dork....:) To be a rock star you have to be famous for siging or playing an instrument (DUH) But very impressive you should have a tv show where you show how to deal with the other painful things in Sanger (dirt dobbers, wasps, King's not being open till 6pm......
And by the way ya spelled eaten wrong probably cuz you posted at 2o' clock in the morning!!!!
Shelly Mac, I am Bear Grylls!
Kami, what are you doing up at 2am?
I don't fall asleep till about 4 usually....it helps to have watched saved by the bell at 3 in the morning all summer!!!
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