YOU ARE NOT YOUR OWN

So Friday, I received an email from Bank of America. This email informed me that my Debit card had been shut down due to questionable activity. So I call BoA and they inform me that my card has been involved in a 'mass compromise.' I quickly assume this is not a good thing. Anything on a mass scale and furthermore compromising, cannot be a good thing. Sure enough my card had been canceled and I would have to get a new one. Not only that but Shelly's card as well. So we pack up the kids and head to our local Bank of America.

We get there and we begin unloading the kids. Something you should know is that our kids have iPods. Each time we upgrade to a new phone we pass the old ones down to the kids. Shelly & I recently treated ourselves with the iPhone 4 so that meant Ashlin got my old iPhone (though she doesn't actually use the phone features) and Claire got our old iPod touch (which we got free and then thought we lost but then found, except Carley threw it into the bathtub one day and it only plays music and a few apps and keeps a charge for 30 min). So there are our 4 kids and 3 of them were glued to an electronic gaming device. One was watching a movie, Ashlin was playing Solitaire, and Claire was learning Checkers.

I did feel rather spoiled and American at this point. I mean my kids are playing iPhones and well you know how I felt. But I considered that a better feeling than losing my mind with 4 screaming kids in a confined bank lobby with security and probably a gun-protected vault nearby.

We get called back and the guy immediately makes a comment about the number of kids we have. He says, "Did you guys just now get a TV?" This comment is a favorite of mine. Its intended purpose is to assume Shelly and I don't have anything else better to do than have child-producing sex. This has always bothered me. Not because I find the question offensive but rather at the ignorance of the question. Am I really supposed to assume watching television is a better option than having child-producing sex? That's a no-brainer for me. There's always reruns! That was probably too much information I know but hey I love my wife and that's what married people do.

So a few more minutes pass while he is getting his/our info in order and he tells us that he is the youngest of 4. This guys ought to know what it's like having 4 kids (after all he even commented how he wanted 3 or 4 of his own). A colleague of his walks over and proceeds to tell us how beautiful our kids are. Then he says, "This is the East Texas version of the Brady Bunch." I did not ask him what he meant but I'm curious as to what he really could have meant. After all, we have 2 less than the Brady Bunch, right?

I didn't think much about it really, other than it kind of made me want to punch him in his gut for being a moron. However, I assumed he just wasn't used to seeing that many kids at once in a bank lobby. However, is 4 kids really that big of a deal? I mean it's not like we're Jon & Kate or the Duggars. It's 4 kids. Why is that such a big fuss? Have we really fallen that far from honoring children as a blessing from God? I can't wait until we get the same looks for remaining married. I hate to think about it but there may come a day when explaining why you stayed married to the same woman will get just as many crazy looks as having 4 kids.

So thank you Bank of America for offending me twice in one day! If you didn't already own my whole life I'd probably sick my kids on you. Oh well, better get back to rustling up dinner, making denim clothes for the kids, and churning our own butter.

Sincerely,

Mr. Brady