YOU ARE NOT YOUR OWN

Swimming upstream is difficult. Extra work is required. To turn around in the forceful and obvious tide simply to stand still, much less move forward in the opposite direction, takes more than I have the capacity to do.

I have kids so I use them a lot as illustrations. Mainly because they teach me more about myself than any other thing. It's like God's little gift to me, "Here Robert, here's a little mirror of yourself for 18 years." That said, my kids pick up on certain things and then they are taught others. My overbearing fear and apprehension as a parent has always been, "where do they learn the paralyzing sin known as behavior modification?" Do I unknowingly teach my kids that modifying their behavior simply to produce my desired outcome is all that is required? Do I give them the impression in my discipline that God treats us the same way?

The only reason I ask is because I see more often than not teenagers who understand their Christian walk as "doing the right things" and "being a better person." Let me make no uncertain terms about this. I think this type of thinking is paralyzing and leaves us in a one-sided relationship with God that only benefits us and leaves the Holy Spirit powerless and ineffective.

How do I go from teaching my two-year old to put the knife down so he doesn't kill himself to teaching him later that God is not interested in his goodness. How do I go from telling my child to always do the right thing even when its difficult (i.e. swimming upstream), to showing them that while modifying their behavior will impress most church members and the general masses, the hollow darkness of their hearts far outshines their good reputation and apparent good behavior ?

Lord, I pray I'm not a parent that teaches my kids that I am only satisfied in them when they obey or do what I want them to do. Praise God, I'm making intentional efforts to combat that very thing. My 4 year-old repeatedly recites back to me a truth that I tell her often, "There's nothing I can that will make you stop loving me daddy." How do I keep that and yet teach them to live a life of following hard after God? Oh yeah, trusting in the Spirit, because I could never teach them that anyway. The Spirit must reveal it to them. And then only after they receive the Spirit. Sure that guy down the street can't live like a Christian because he has no power to. He does not have anything in him that allows him to live a Spirit-filled life. Man, I hope I don't expect my kids to live a life after Jesus long before they see their need for Him.

I am reminded everyday at both the powerful importance and the paralyzing impotence that is parenthood.

Holy God, allow me to live a life not based on my goodness, a life that does not overlook a negative aspect here because I have more positives aspects over there. Allow them to see me fail. Allow them to see my humanity, my weakness, my frailty, my pain, hurts, doubt, questions, sorrows, and fears. Then allow them to see me rise up and place all of that into your hands, the One who pleads my case for me. Allow them to see a life lived for you, seeking after the joy that is only found upstream instead of the easy, uncomplicated, undemanding, unchallenging, effortless, painless, trouble-free, facile, simple, straightforward, and elementary joys of this world. Then maybe one day, they will be intrigued enough, having seen it done, to seek out understanding and guidance from You and You alone. That is my only hope and You are theirs.