YOU ARE NOT YOUR OWN

One day when I was in seminary I was taking a course on Evangelism. There’s nothing like taking a class on how to do something that you know you want/need to do and then having that class make you feel like a complete boob for not doing it or neglecting it regularly. Trust me if you don’t want to be convicted about your spiritual walk, don’t go to seminary.

Anyway, so one morning while I was making my daily commute into Fort Worth I stopped at a gas station that I liked to frequent for coffee (I had to have something to help me with my 10 hour days stuck in a chair). So I walk in to the store and I’m standing by the coffee bar getting my coffee. I notice a gentleman standing by the island where all the creamer, sugar, lids, & straws are located. I fill my coffee cup up and proceed to the island myself. As I approach the island, (and as I’m thinking about the freshness of my Evangelism class) I feel the need to speak with this individual. At this time many thoughts run through my head like, “I don’t even think this guy speaks English,” “I’m sure he doesn’t want some goober talking to him this early in the morning,” and “What in the world and I supposed to say to a man buying a coffee that turns the conversation towards Jesus?” After all, I wasn’t simply going to say hello. I was going to ask about his relationship with Christ because that’s what all good Christians do right?

So as I’m placing my coffee on the island my cup tips a little and spills the contents on my hand. Yes, it was hot... because coffee is hot! I then direct my glance to the gentleman and say, “Wow, that’s pretty hot.” At this, he turns to me and says (in English I might add), “Yeah, I like hot coffee, but my wife likes that cold coffee.” At this point (which was probably about 3 seconds long but it felt like 30 minutes), I think several thoughts. Again, was the thought, “how and I supposed to talk to this man about Jesus?” The other thought and sadly, my first idea as to how to witness to this guy went something like this in my head, “So you like hot things do you... well I hope you know Jesus buddy because if you don’t then where you’ll be going is hot for sure!!” I quickly determined that I did NOT want to be that evangelistic bully-guy. Seriously, how would you respond? This is how I responded.

“Say, I’d really like to buy your coffee and breakfast (he had some other stuff) for you this morning.” He looked puzzled and replied with a look that simply sent the message of “why would you want to do a silly thing like that?” Before he could accuse me of hitting on him or being attracted to his creamy caffeinated concoction, I simply said, “I believe in Jesus and that seems like something Jesus would have done for you this morning.” Still I was clueless as to what to say and was simply trying to find excuses for ending the conversation and getting out of there.

He said, “uh, alright.”

As we walked up to the counter (he still looking puzzled and me feeling stupid) I was again puzzled as to what to do. Now, we were surrounded by numerous patrons all buying their morning java and carbs. I paid for our coffee and we both headed to the door. This would have been a great time to ask him about his wife, if he had any kids, their ages, if they attended a local church, had a faith of their own, etc. It really would have been a great time to ask that but I had about 4 seconds before we hit the door. So I mustered up my strength and said, “Well, see you later. Have a good day.”

He thanked me for the purchase and walked away in the opposite direction towards his car. As I reached my car and sat down I quickly thought, “Hey I can at least pray for him today.” Except one thing. I never asked him his name... “argggh.” So I back up my car and drive to where he was parked. He still hadn’t gotten everything in his car so he was not in it yet. I block him in determined to find out his name but a little afraid he thought I was trying to car jack him or something. I ask for his name through my open window and he replies, “George.” So then I say, “Ok George, have a great day.” I may have told him “God Bless,” but I really don’t remember.

As I drove away that day headed to my very professional class on Evangelism I was ashamed. I felt embarrassed that I was embarrassed to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger when we had been talking all week about how easy it was to do in class. Here I was on a practical assignment and I had bombed. Was I a failure? Was I a bad student? What went wrong? Shouldn’t we have knelt and prayed in the gas station floor for George to receive Christ to which he would have drove straight home witness to his wife and kids? Shouldn't George’s life have been changed because he met Robert Conn that morning over a cup of spilt coffee? George should have become a pastor himself and led hundreds to Christ. Isn’t that how these testimonies are supposed to go?

I drove away with a cup of cruddy coffee and a defeated heart.

But then, in a quiet whisper, the Spirit of God revealed to me, “Robert, sometimes it just about obedience. Will you do what I ask you to do, when I ask you to do it?”

Today, George doesn’t represent for me a lost and dying nation of people who are need of the gospel of Christ. More than that, George represents to me a moment of my life, which is far too rare, when I swallowed awkwardness, fear, doubt, rejection, and embarrassment, and asked a man if I could buy him a cup of coffee.

I’m still praying for George and myself.