YOU ARE NOT YOUR OWN

I thought I would post a brief time line to celebrate the past 14 years of marriage (and almost 20 years of being together).

1991 - I broke my ankle and noticed you cheering on the sidelines. I thought, "Wow, that girl is too cute not to go out with me..." and on October 19 we went to Homecoming (almost 20 years ago).
1992 - This was the infamous 'Schlitterbahn' trip were I acted like I didn't like you. Yeah, still sorry about that. I just had to realize what I had in you.
1993 - This was a fun year... we were crazy high school kids! I remember always surprizing you somehow at the locker we shared between classes.
1994 - We had to grow up a lot this year. I graduated, moved to college and snail mail became our best friend. This was before email and texting, remember all those hundreds of letters?
1995 - You graduated, and we lived for Fridays when I would drive home and meet you at your house outside on your steps for 'the hug.'
1996 - This was perhaps the longest year of our lives. The wedding was set and we just simply waited... and waited... and waited. Though we had upgraded from snail mail to 'pager codes' such as 00000 (which meant "I Love You") it still was excruciating to wait for the next year to get here.
1997 - After three years of me driving home every weekend on May 31st, 1997 we stood before God and entered into a lifelong covenant. We had no idea what would be in store for us but it didn't really matter. We had each other and a determination to do whatever it took to always be the other one's #1.
1998 - Oh man... what a fun year this was... Newlyweds! I was working at Circuit City and going to school full-time and you were taking some classes and teaching full-time. I remember our small little apartment and of course how could we forget about our pot-smoking, sailor-cursing, clinically insane, bird-hating, downstairs neighbor, Gary.
1999 - I graduated from A&M and we moved to Lufkin. Little did we know that our lives would be forever changed by meeting 6 of the best friends in the world.
2000 - This year was marked by working, doing lots and lots of fun ministry, late nights at the Burch's and sleeping late on Saturday mornings (wow, remember what that was like?).
2001 - Heartache is the best word I can use to describe this year. We wanted a child so much and nothing seemed to go our way. Yet we held on to the hope that joy was indeed coming...
2002 - Joy did come. Except we called her Ashlin. All of a sudden we found ourselves holding what we had been praying for. We were as clueless as we were eager. We struggled but we learned lots.
2003 - I remember you saying, "It might be fun to live in a different state for a while." And with that we moved to Oklahoma and started an entirely new chapter in our life. We only had 1 kid, we ministered with new friends, and I earned lots and lots of free airline miles!
2004 - This year we searched for what God would have us do. It seemed like it was taking forever. Then Claire came along and it all fell into place. Now we had two kids and felt just as clueless.
2005 - I started full-time ministry and seminary this year. Meanwhile we were loving having two little girls to play with. I just remember there being lots of pink around the house.
2006 - As we continued to serve where God had us, He also began to change our hearts. He drew us closer together and gave us a desire to help other marriages do the same. We also decided to have another child. Then Levi was born, the great equalizer. He brought what was greatly needed to our house. Namely testosterone and camo colors.
2007 - Three kids now? Still in seminary... Are you kidding me? How did we do that?
2008 - Well, well, well. Apparently whatever was broken back in 2001 was fixed for good now because here came baby number 4... Carley. This year is also significant because it launched us into another category of living... The Minivan!
2009 - I finally finished seminary (serving full-time and having 4 kids). What we never thought was possible ended up being not only possible but down right fun. We also began to sense God leading us into other areas of ministry... but where?
2010 - Apparently that place was Tyler. We moved and began a new ministry, bought our first house, had a dog, and started to feel a little more grown up (but not much). Oh and the dog didn't last very long.
2011 - Here we are. What will this year bring? So far it's brought some sadness as well as hope. I could not have gotten through mom's passing without you. Your wisdom and loving hands have brought healing and comfort. I can only pray Levi finds a woman such as you and that our girls become mothers of tenderness and best friends to their husbands like you are to me.


I often think to myself would I change anything if I had it to do over again. I think I would do somethings differently, but I also know there is one thing I would never change. No matter how many opportunities I would have, or how many things I could do over. I would always pick you. I still pick you and you're still my #1.

Thank you Shelly for being who you are, thank you for your love, your beauty, and your compassion. For all you do, and all you are, and for what you mean to me and our family. Happy Anniversary.

I love You.

Looking for ideas!

Here's what I'm looking for. I need creative ideas for building special moments together as a family and as a couple. I'm looking for TWO main categories. PARENTING IDEAS and MARRIAGE IDEAS. Here are some examples of what I'm looking for.

PARENTING IDEAS

• Family Fun Night ideas
  
• Special Occasion & Holiday ideas
• Movie Night ideas
• Bedtime Moments
• Mealtime Moments
• etc.
  

• Date Night ideas (away from home)
• Date Night ideas (staying home)
  
• Romantic Getaway ideas
• etc.

Faith@Home sounds cool and all... but do we really believe it?

"Parents are the primary spiritual leaders in a child's life..."
"We believe Deuteronomy 6 places the emphasis on the family..."
"We're going to partner with parents..."
"We've got to push faith back into the home..."
"Parents, it's your job to train and disciple your kids..."

I love these phrases. I've used most of them myself. With the recent popularity of groups like the D6 Conference, Rethink's 'Orange', and the whole Faith@Home movement these phrases are almost commonplace in many churches today. Thank God for that!

However what I'm seeing is that while many churches are embracing this mindset and looking back the the ancient paths of discipleship most are not charting a course to anywhere in particular. Most churches are not making the necessary changes to ensure this type of ministry actually happens. Most churches are simply adding more stuff on top of the old stuff. Most churches are not canceling certain children and youth events which exclude parents in search of greater ones that intentionally include them. Most churches are not taking that next step of asking, "So how do we really equip mom and dad for this lofty task we're slapping them with every week?"

Most churches are selling a product they have no intention of providing any type of instructions for.

Many are claiming family ministry is important (good). They're informing parents of their God-given responsibilities and callings (good). Yet they are leaving the masses in ignorance and darkness on simple pragmatics (bad).

So here’s something to think about if you’re a church leader who buys into an Orange-D6-Faith@Home model of ministry... what changes are you making in your church? What changes are you making in your home? What changes are you calling your people to make? What budget lines are you cutting/creating? What ministries are you stopping/starting? What community organizations are you partnering with? How are you personally equipping dads to be the spiritual leaders of their families? Are you asking them to read big books (cause they won't). Are you delegating this responsibility to other staff members and demanding they “fit it in” somewhere?

Let's not be guilty of calling our people to a higher standard than what we expect of ourselves.

This post would just be incomplete if I simply raised a bunch of questions and didn't offer any solutions or ideas. Truth is, there is a rapidly growing list of resources and ideas for churches and parents out there on driving faith into the home. You can find those fairly easy if you look for them (I’ve included a few later on). Here are some of my suggestions for all of us as we navigate this ancient-yet-future way of doing family ministry:

1. Write information for dads that they can read during lunch or sitting in the bathroom, not during an entire baseball season (don’t expect your dads to read those thick books).
2. Quit beating up men for NOT leading their families. Most know they need to and most secretly want to... however, most do not have time or practical know how. That’s where you can help.
3. Lead moms and dads to Scripture. Let the Bible reveal most of what you're trying to instill in them.
4. Speaking of the Bible... Preach the WORD! Quit skeet-shooting topics like Family, Marriage, and Faith with sermons that shove a few scriptures into your main idea.
5. Show parents how to do what your calling them to do. Like really show them. Invite them over to your house, use your couch, and your kids. Be a literal example. Oh and make sure it's not scripted either. Otherwise they'll feel discouraged the first time they try it and fail. Help them see that perfection is a unicorn and chaos is quite normal.
6. Point them to further resources... rather than expecting them to attend the next Family Conference with you.
7. In all aspects, make it easier for them to do something.
8. In all aspects, make it more likely that they will do something.
9. Celebrate and make a big deal of it when they do something!
10. Teach them to celebrate themselves for doing something! Small victories.
    

A couple of years ago I asked my mom to write out her testimony. I wanted it for myself but also deep down I wanted it in case something ever happened to her. I needed the security of knowing she had a relationship with God and that I would see her again someday. Well she did and I want to share it with everyone here. I want you to know what kind of a mother I had. Her up and down battle with cancer and other illnesses finally took her life last week but she stands completely healed today in the presence of Christ. I miss her like nothing imaginable but I'm holding on the the truth that is Heaven and the hope of glory.

"We are not long here"
Robert



Carolyn Conn – May 18, 2009

I was raised in a Methodist church and always enjoyed going to church. At the age of 10 or 11 my Sunday school teacher asked our class if anyone wanted to ask Jesus into their heart. I chose to do that, however was not really sure exactly what that meant. One Sunday, a group of us went to the front of the church and was baptized (sprinkled with water). As life went on, I tried to be a good person, always treated people as I wanted to be treated, and knew right from wrong. When my children were born I felt that they needed to be raised in church to have a belief in God. We visited a few churches in the area that were Baptist, because my husband was raised Baptist. Church going was sporadic after that for many years.

In 1993, I was hit with a catastrophic disease of cancer and prayed to God to help me through it. It was decided that surgery would be our only treatment and afterwards the doctor’s truly felt they had removed all of it. I was thankful to God and yet continued visiting church only every once in a while. In 1995, I knew deep in my heart that I needed God back in my life and longed for a closer relationship with Him. I started attending First Baptist Porter (the same church that my children had been attending). I really enjoyed the pastor and my Sunday school Ladies class. I had never been taught the Bible in such depth and I was like a sponge, absorbing as much as possible.

January of 1996 brought my cancer back in a full vengeance. I could sense that it was going to be different than the first time and I really needed God’s help. Our pastor spoke one Sunday on Carnal Christianity, someone just going through the motions of life, believing in God, praying to God, doing good for others, etc. but not giving their entire life over to Christ our Savior. “Oh my gosh” I thought… that was me. I felt I really needed to rededicate my life to Christ but pride set in and I didn’t want everyone at church to know that I really wasn’t sure if I was saved. I was also afraid that many would think the only reason I was rededicating my life was because of my cancer and that I was scared. But I knew deep down in my heart I had to get right with God, so I made a decision not to care what anyone might think. We had a revival at church in March and the pastor spoke on faith. He asked, “What type of faith do you have?” The example he used was if you are in a rough, choppy sea. He asked, “Are you drowning? Or are you hanging on the side of the boat for dear life? Are you trying to stay afloat? Or are you in the boat, assured, helping others into the boat?” I categorized my faith as simply trying to stay afloat, barely hanging on. I thanked God for allowing me to continue to live, stubborn as I was, to give me this new opportunity to make a decision for Him.

That very Sunday I went up to the front to rededicate my life. I don’t remember walking to the front of the church, I think I was carried. A young lady named Amy asked me if I had given my life to Christ. I told her that I remembered going through the motions but there had always been doubt. Right then we prayed the sinner’s prayer and I asked Jesus to come into my heart. I chose to be baptized that evening at church and to remove all doubt, no more waiting, no more pride.

At that time I was actively going through cancer radiation treatment and my body was marked up with black markers all over my torso to show the x-ray technician where to align my body exactly with the red laser cross beams so no damage would be done to my lungs, heart or vital organs during my treatment. These markings took about 3 hours to create and align precisely and I was told not to get them wet, because water would remove them. Therefore, I had been sponge bathing for about two weeks afraid to get them too wet. I began to fear getting immersed in water, thinking that might remove the markings. This was again the devil making another attempt to stop me, to put it off for a few more weeks. However, I decided not to wait and praise God on March 10, 1996 I was baptized. Oh yeah, by the way, the baptismal waters DID NOT remove any of the marks!

I now have calmness in my heart and there is no doubt in my mind about my salvation. I have also learned never to let pride stand in my way or care what some may think. Because God doesn’t care where YOU have been, He doesn’t care what YOU have done; He is only concerned where YOU are going!!

You too, can be a friend of God forever if you make the same decision I made. You can be forgiven and you can have eternal life with God if you turn away from your sins and turn toward God (this is called repentance), if you have faith alone in Christ alone. Please make this decision for yourself today, for today is the day of your salvation.

So Friday, I received an email from Bank of America. This email informed me that my Debit card had been shut down due to questionable activity. So I call BoA and they inform me that my card has been involved in a 'mass compromise.' I quickly assume this is not a good thing. Anything on a mass scale and furthermore compromising, cannot be a good thing. Sure enough my card had been canceled and I would have to get a new one. Not only that but Shelly's card as well. So we pack up the kids and head to our local Bank of America.

We get there and we begin unloading the kids. Something you should know is that our kids have iPods. Each time we upgrade to a new phone we pass the old ones down to the kids. Shelly & I recently treated ourselves with the iPhone 4 so that meant Ashlin got my old iPhone (though she doesn't actually use the phone features) and Claire got our old iPod touch (which we got free and then thought we lost but then found, except Carley threw it into the bathtub one day and it only plays music and a few apps and keeps a charge for 30 min). So there are our 4 kids and 3 of them were glued to an electronic gaming device. One was watching a movie, Ashlin was playing Solitaire, and Claire was learning Checkers.

I did feel rather spoiled and American at this point. I mean my kids are playing iPhones and well you know how I felt. But I considered that a better feeling than losing my mind with 4 screaming kids in a confined bank lobby with security and probably a gun-protected vault nearby.

We get called back and the guy immediately makes a comment about the number of kids we have. He says, "Did you guys just now get a TV?" This comment is a favorite of mine. Its intended purpose is to assume Shelly and I don't have anything else better to do than have child-producing sex. This has always bothered me. Not because I find the question offensive but rather at the ignorance of the question. Am I really supposed to assume watching television is a better option than having child-producing sex? That's a no-brainer for me. There's always reruns! That was probably too much information I know but hey I love my wife and that's what married people do.

So a few more minutes pass while he is getting his/our info in order and he tells us that he is the youngest of 4. This guys ought to know what it's like having 4 kids (after all he even commented how he wanted 3 or 4 of his own). A colleague of his walks over and proceeds to tell us how beautiful our kids are. Then he says, "This is the East Texas version of the Brady Bunch." I did not ask him what he meant but I'm curious as to what he really could have meant. After all, we have 2 less than the Brady Bunch, right?

I didn't think much about it really, other than it kind of made me want to punch him in his gut for being a moron. However, I assumed he just wasn't used to seeing that many kids at once in a bank lobby. However, is 4 kids really that big of a deal? I mean it's not like we're Jon & Kate or the Duggars. It's 4 kids. Why is that such a big fuss? Have we really fallen that far from honoring children as a blessing from God? I can't wait until we get the same looks for remaining married. I hate to think about it but there may come a day when explaining why you stayed married to the same woman will get just as many crazy looks as having 4 kids.

So thank you Bank of America for offending me twice in one day! If you didn't already own my whole life I'd probably sick my kids on you. Oh well, better get back to rustling up dinner, making denim clothes for the kids, and churning our own butter.

Sincerely,

Mr. Brady

Claire rides her bike for the first time with no training wheels!

I've never wanted anything in my life like I wanted this girl 8 years ago. This girl marked the beginning of my greatest endeavor... fatherhood. She lights up a room when she's in it. She dances as if she is all alone when chaos is around her. She's gifted in ways I will never understand. She understands many of my struggles and sorrows and yet she is playful and childlike. This girl has my heart. I'm seeing her grow up before my eyes and I love what I'm seeing. She's turning into the person I want to be. She's learning to excel in areas I continually fail in. She has a heart which is unparalleled in compassion, mission, hope, and love. I learn from her daily and I am so very proud of who she is becoming.

She is my beautiful daughter Ashlin, and she is turning 8.

I love you Ashlin,
Daddy

My brother works for HP and designs really important stuff. This is a video of his latest creation. I have no idea what this lady is talking about but it sure is a cool video.

Another episode of Claireisms...

Swimming upstream is difficult. Extra work is required. To turn around in the forceful and obvious tide simply to stand still, much less move forward in the opposite direction, takes more than I have the capacity to do.

I have kids so I use them a lot as illustrations. Mainly because they teach me more about myself than any other thing. It's like God's little gift to me, "Here Robert, here's a little mirror of yourself for 18 years." That said, my kids pick up on certain things and then they are taught others. My overbearing fear and apprehension as a parent has always been, "where do they learn the paralyzing sin known as behavior modification?" Do I unknowingly teach my kids that modifying their behavior simply to produce my desired outcome is all that is required? Do I give them the impression in my discipline that God treats us the same way?

The only reason I ask is because I see more often than not teenagers who understand their Christian walk as "doing the right things" and "being a better person." Let me make no uncertain terms about this. I think this type of thinking is paralyzing and leaves us in a one-sided relationship with God that only benefits us and leaves the Holy Spirit powerless and ineffective.

How do I go from teaching my two-year old to put the knife down so he doesn't kill himself to teaching him later that God is not interested in his goodness. How do I go from telling my child to always do the right thing even when its difficult (i.e. swimming upstream), to showing them that while modifying their behavior will impress most church members and the general masses, the hollow darkness of their hearts far outshines their good reputation and apparent good behavior ?

Lord, I pray I'm not a parent that teaches my kids that I am only satisfied in them when they obey or do what I want them to do. Praise God, I'm making intentional efforts to combat that very thing. My 4 year-old repeatedly recites back to me a truth that I tell her often, "There's nothing I can that will make you stop loving me daddy." How do I keep that and yet teach them to live a life of following hard after God? Oh yeah, trusting in the Spirit, because I could never teach them that anyway. The Spirit must reveal it to them. And then only after they receive the Spirit. Sure that guy down the street can't live like a Christian because he has no power to. He does not have anything in him that allows him to live a Spirit-filled life. Man, I hope I don't expect my kids to live a life after Jesus long before they see their need for Him.

I am reminded everyday at both the powerful importance and the paralyzing impotence that is parenthood.

Holy God, allow me to live a life not based on my goodness, a life that does not overlook a negative aspect here because I have more positives aspects over there. Allow them to see me fail. Allow them to see my humanity, my weakness, my frailty, my pain, hurts, doubt, questions, sorrows, and fears. Then allow them to see me rise up and place all of that into your hands, the One who pleads my case for me. Allow them to see a life lived for you, seeking after the joy that is only found upstream instead of the easy, uncomplicated, undemanding, unchallenging, effortless, painless, trouble-free, facile, simple, straightforward, and elementary joys of this world. Then maybe one day, they will be intrigued enough, having seen it done, to seek out understanding and guidance from You and You alone. That is my only hope and You are theirs.

Part 8 - Resources

Well I’ve realized that to attempt to write out all the ideas and ways you can leave lasting legacies to your children is useless. There are just so many good things to do and so many different ways to accomplish it. However, in our home, we don’t attempt to do anything on our own. We use some good tools from people who share our same desire to pass on to our kids a devoted love for God. Here are just a few of those resource ideas.


Splink
www.d6family.com/splink
These people offer short devotional ideas based around a weekly theme. It’s good stuff and it does not take anytime at all. I will say most of these are geared toward younger kids but if you have some creativity you can easily adapt them for older kids. This is produced by a great organization that attempts to include mom and dad into the spiritual development of their kids.

iQuestions
www.iquestions.com
Ever wish there was a website that you could go watch some Q&A videos from some great and talented leaders? This is it. They cover every topic from money, careers, sex, and parenting. It is video based answers to common questions many people have but are too afraid to ask.


Advent Conspiracy
www.adventconspiracy.org
Don’t worry this isn’t a protest for or against Santa Claus. This is a movement to rethink the way Christians do Christmas (primarily with how we spend our money). Their website explains it much better then I can. Check it out.

Servant Evangelism
www.servantevangelism.com
Need some ideas for what to do as a family to share the love of Christ in simple, everyday ways? This site has more than enough ideas.

Books
(all links go to amazon.com)
Parenting with Kingdom Purpose by Ken Hemphill & Richard Ross
God, Marriage, and Family by Andreas Kostenberger
Rite of Passage Parenting by Walker Moore
Building the Christian Family You Never Had by Mary E. DeMuth
Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp
Spiritual Growth of Children by John Trent, Rick Osborne, & Kurt Bruner
Bedtime Blessings by John Trent
Mealtime Moments by Focus on the Family (Heritage Builders)


Sites
www.homeward.com
www.pluggedinonline.com
www.cpyu.org
www.answersingenesis.org
www.cbmw.org

Thanks for putting up with me throughout this series. I hope you’ve been encouraged to become a parent who desires to leave a spiritual legacy for your kids to follow. I also hope you’ve been encouraged that this is tedious work and even though you will fail from time to time the goal is to be as consistent as possible and intentional about what you do. You would never give up on your kids... don’t give up on their journey towards God.

God bless!

Robert

Read More:
Part 1 - The Importance of a Legacy
Part 2 - Preparation
Part 3 - The Struggle
Part 4 - At Home
Part 5 - Share the Love
Part 6 - On The Way
Part 7 - Encouraging Words

1) Keep them out of bright light (easy to do when it's 110 outside!)
2) Don't get them wet (if you do your bathroom rug and floor will be soaked!)
3) Never feed them after midnight (snack? huh? I want a snack, I want a snack, I want a snack, I want a... !)

Every night I feel like we break these rules and before you know it there are 45 kids running around terrorizing our house.

Part 6 - On The Way

These days to be away from your home is almost more common than to be in your home. We’re sort of in that holding pattern now where our older kids have not really gotten involved in a million activities yet (Lord, willing that won’t happen either). Our younger kids are too young to be in sports teams and in dance classes. But a day is coming when I know we will be pulled in many different directions at once. When that day does arrive, what will be our theme as we travel here and there? Will we simply pass the time listening to the radio and watching DVDs in the van? Will we simply go to the store to buy groceries or visit the restaurant simply to fill our own bellies and walk away? Or is there something... anything... we can do as we’re going to one place to another to help enlarge the kingdom and build a legacy for our kids to follow?

Look for Opportunities... they’re there!
Shelly told me once after she returned from the grocery store, “I’m an idiot.” “Why?” I asked. “Because I just realized I missed an opportunity to share Christ with an older guy at the store. He had waited for me to load up all of my groceries in order to help. I told him that he didn’t have to and he replied. ‘I have all day.’ How could I have not caught that as an invitation to tell him about Jesus when he was waiting for me and clearly was not in a hurry?” I told her that she was a horrible person and she should be ashamed of herself. No, I’m kidding. We all do that right? We realize when it’s too late that we had a chance to do something and didn’t act upon it. If your kids are with you for example at the grocery store then what a better time to show them by example how to love others. How to look out for the needs of others. Another time, Shelly saw a man standing on the road asking for money. With kids in tow she went out of her way to go buy the man some lunch and then take it to him. The kids knew something was up and anxiously awaited her explanation. “Why did you do that mommy?” “Because he was hungry and didn’t have any money to buy lunch.” Silence... as they contemplated that action. I guarantee you that memory will stick with one or all of them the older they get. Living life like that stains a child deeply, and Lord willing, they won’t quickly recover.

Foster a missional lifestyle
It’s easy for church folk to see missions as something we give money to so other people can travel across the sea and tell other people about Jesus. However, missions is a calling for every believer. If missions was accomplished simply by giving money to the cooperative program or to Lottie Moon or to a host of other mission groups then we’d be done! We would have accomplished our mission ministry and we could pat ourselves on the back. One day mission work will cease. When Christ returns missions will stop. Until then it is our duty to not only give our money but also to walk neck deep in this life called missions. Do you show your kids everyday that you support a lifestyle of missions? Our goal is to... but honestly we fail here... alot. Here is an idea that we’ve kicked around but for some reason just have not been able to pull off yet. We give our kids each a dollar and ask them to figure out what they can give that dollar towards. In addition we encourage them to find out ways of multiplying that dollar into two, three, four... etc. Then we ask them to go around (with us of course) and speak to our neighbors and together we have an opportunity to 1) meet our neighbors, 2) raise their awareness for whatever we are supporting, and possibly 3) share Christ with them. The naysayers out there will say, “It’s only a dollar. What good is that?” I’ll tell you the good. One day when they get older and have their ‘own money’ then they will remember that mom and dad taught them how to share what little they had with others who do not have and that one dollar will turn into a lot more.

Other activities...
Other ways to show your kids that they live in a world bigger then themselves is to have them help serve at church, at a soup kitchen, thrift store, community cleanup day, neighborhood party, etc. Remember, we are laying a foundation here. It won’t be built overnight and the height of it is unlimited.

(next time: Encourage your kids’ growth... it goes a long way!)

Read More:
Part 1 - The Importance of a Legacy
Part 2 - Preparation
Part 3 - The Struggle
Part 4 - At Home
Part 5 - Share the Love

Part 5 - Share The Love

Parents are typically smarter than their kids. At least until a certain point and it also depends on the topic. I can find my way around a computer with ease (something I’ve always been able to do). However, I am amazed at how even my 4 year old can navigate the computer, my 2 year old understands my iPhone’s interface. They just know things that I remember learning as an adult. I know it’s only a matter of time before they outgrow my technological abilities and probably other areas as well. In terms of the Bible most parents start off knowing more about it than their kids. Mainly because they have been exposed to it more often. Often some kids outgrow their parents’ knowledge of the scriptures and this is not always a bad thing or a sign of parental negligence. Many times it can be a sign of a really good thing. Maybe your child has been called to full-time ministry or as a missionary or just to devote their lives to following hard after Christ. In that case you would want them to learn all they can learn.

But for this section, let’s assume that you are a parent who does have some skill or knowledge about the Bible. In the planning of your devotions with your kids it would be easy for you to take complete leadership and authority in all areas. After all, you know the stories, you know the main idea of the text, and you know how to teach it even in an understandable way relevant to their age and personality. However, my suggestion is that if you as the parent (or parents) always take the lead role in planning and overseeing the “family devotion” then you are missing out on a great opportunity to teach your kids.

Let your kids take ownership in the planning!

Let them choose the topic/story/verse/theme/song/etc.
Tell your child, “Today, you get to pick out what verse we are going to read.” You may also let them choose a certain topic or theme to discuss as a family. Depending on their age this can be either spontaneous or planned. For example, you may say to an older child, “Friday is your day! You get to pick out what we’re going to read, do, sing, go, make, etc.” This helps them take ownership for sure but it also does other things. It gives you a break from the planning process and it teaches the other children (if any) of what to expect and offers some level of excitement for when they get to do likewise.

For example, We’ve asked our oldest to plan the whole thing before. She began by having everyone sit in the living room floor and had us read a verse from her bible. Then she talked about what that verse meant to her and ways we could implement it in our day. Then she picked a couple of songs to sing and said a prayer. Was it simple? Yes it was simple, the whole thing took maybe 5 minutes. However, I was so proud of her for planning and taking an active role in both studying the Bible and loving her family.

(Note: What about kids who have not made a decision to follow Jesus Christ? While you should not exclude them from the process, you probably should not expect them to handle (with certainty) the truths of the Bible. After all, the Holy Spirit is the one who reveals Scripture to us and a child who is not a believer in Christ does not have the Holy Spirit living inside of them as that revelation). Involve them just the same but do not expect them to be able to do something they are not capable of doing).

Don’t get too picky or theological
One of the hard things for me is to keep myself reigned when we start talking about certain topics. I want my kids to be familiar with theological terms and those confusing Bible words. However I also have to remind myself that I have over 20 years of experience thinking about God and they have only a few or even no experience. So when your kids read a passage of scripture and don’t understand it or even understand it incorrectly, it is important to have grace. Sometimes you just have to smile and say, “That’s right honey.” Other times you may need to gently redirect. Still others, you may need to keep your mouth shut and not use those big words you so desperately want to. Plus, the more you spend time in the Bible with your family, you might get lucky enough to have those moments when your kid says something so innocent and harmless that you’ve never thought about before and you realize that they have just taught you something about God in their childlike faith. Soak those moments in... those times are truly precious.

To be honest, you as a parent could do it all. You could sit everyone down, every day, and do a verse-by-verse study through one of Paul’s epistles. Your kids would endure it. They would answer with all the correct answers. They would sing all the right songs. They would pray all your prayers, and you would probably walk away feeling accomplished and fulfilled. But as a parent myself, I would call that a failure. After all, we are not out to simply modify their behavior or water down their brain with theory, we want their hearts! We’re not merely giving them the “right” answers, we want them to seek God. You could do it all, but why on earth would you ever want to rob your kids of the joy they would find in doing it for themselves?

(next time: What can you do away from home that help build a spiritual legacy?)

Read More:
Part 1 - The Importance of a Legacy
Part 2 - Preparation
Part 3 - The Struggle
Part 4 - At Home

You know the drill... I provide the photo and you provide the caption.

GO!

Part 4 - At Home

“You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up” is what Deuteronomy 6:7 says. “Them” refers to the words or commands which were spoken by Moses not only in verse 4-6 but also throughout Deuteronomy and the other books which make up the Law, or Pentateuch, or Torah depending on your preference. However notice the emphasis on how we as parents are to teach these words to our children while at home. This in no way discourages the teaching of “them” away from home which I will discuss in a later installment. Neither does this presume that corporate worship is not crucial. However, here... we’re talking about the home “when you lie down and when you rise up” etc. Frankly, we as a family are home more often than we are at church so during that time is there anything we can do to support what we have learned while at church?

What can we do in our homes to build a spiritual legacy?

I admit that there are numerous things that can be done that will not be covered here. I’m only going to talk about a few things which we participate in as a family. Feel free to add your own ideas or to alter these, the truth is there are several resources available to you. The important thing is that you do something. No one is going to do it for you. You as the parent are responsible (I dare say solely responsible) for this. In addition please don’t assume this is your church’s primary responsibility either. The church ought to help you (they’ll call it equipping) but ultimately this is your burden as the parent to help your kids fall in love with Christ. This is really the only thing that will sustain them in the long run. One of these days they will be gone. If you teach them how to do all the right things then have you really taught them anything or have you just modified their behavior? However, if you can somehow help them fall in love with seeking after God then after they are gone they will continue strong and secure. Seems like I read something about training them in this way so they when they grow older they will not depart from it.

Read the Bible at home...
There’s a noble concept huh? Joke if you will but the majority of parents (even the ones who claim hardcore Christianity) do not read the bible as a family on any sort of regular basis. Here’s the thing about family bible reading. It’s easy to do when you’re teaching your kids about David and Goliath when they’re 3 and the story is exciting and new to them. However fast forward ten years and a few dozen times of hearing the same Bible verse preached with the same main point (it usually has something to do with conquering our own giants). Next thing you know you have a bored-out-of-their-mind teenager who doesn’t want to hear the same old lame story again. Sadly, apart from some theological books or a great mentor most people never get beyond the basics of the Bible. Therefore most parents don’t know any other way of teaching stories like David and Goliath other than teaching their kids that we can do anything if we set our minds to it. That is why a good teaching pastor is so crucial not only to the health and well-being of a church but also to each family involved in that church. If you ask me any sort of ministry to families begins in a large part with the pastor. You as a hearer have the opportunity to learn from the pastor and then you can go home and teach it to your kids. Sure they’ll figure out one day that you are simply repeating what the pastor said last month but by then the damage is done, you will have already developed quite a legacy of your own.

What about location, time, length and all that business? You know, Where do we read the bible together? When do we read it? and How long do we read it? As far as location goes, we try to change it up. We may sit around the kitchen table, we may sit in the living room floor, lay on our bed, the kids’ beds, in the grass outside, you name it. We’re nomadic that way and I think the kids like it. The time we do it is even more flexible. We have found that the mornings usually work better for us because by the time evening gets here, we’re all zapped and often too stressed out. Plus with young ones dinner, baths, and bedtime are too crazy in themselves. In terms to length we are again... flexible. Typically, if we read more than a few verses we’re on record-breaking territory. Mainly because of the varying attention spans. Our oldest can sit still and listen for a while. Our two-year old boy is only good for a minute or two before he’s asking for more snacks or to go outside and play in the mud. Maybe a better approach would be to decide on teaching a certain truth or aspect rather than doing something for 10 or 30 minutes. However you look at it, the goal is to get them used to hearing the Word of God even before they understand all the words. Getting them used to sitting down and reading the Bible even before they can do this on their own. They will catch on... I promise. If your kids are older then it might not be attention spans you are concerned with. It may be helping them to see that God is not a God who writes corny kid bible studies but rather a God is will always be bigger than they figured and always more gracious than they can understand.

Note: It is also a good idea to let your kids (regardless of age) see you reading your bible at other times. Or let them see you and your spouse reading it together. This not only stains them to the importance of Scripture it also sets an example in action that corresponds with the example in word you are trying to teach them.


Sing at home...
We love to sing around our house. Most the time its singing along with a CD or the radio. Sometimes we break out the guitars, the bongos, and the harmonica and just jam sometimes too (this is by far the favorite)! We try to sing some songs that they will recognize on Sunday mornings. More often than that we sing new songs. However, we don’t limit this time only to “church” music (as if there were a difference). We’re all about singing blues, rock, kid songs, and even making up our own silly stuff as well. This is cool because not only do our kids get to worship God with their voices but they also are learning to appreciate music and musical instruments. By the way, if you have perfect pitch and have the need for instruments to stay ‘in tune’ then this method might be difficult for you. We don’t bother with simple things like that very much around our house. Nothing is more of a “joyful noise” than guitars out of tune from one another, a lego bucket for a drum, and child’s piano that rattles because there are coins shoved into the speaker holes.

Compassion International
When our kids turn five we let them start sponsoring a child (one about their same age) through Compassion International. Read all about it here but Compassion International is a great, great organization. Our oldest is the only one sponsoring right now but Claire turns five this year. Our plan is to have all six of us sponsoring six different kids from six different parts of the world. The other goal is to have our kids visit their ‘adopted’ friend when they are older. I say goal because I’m not sure how that one would work due to costs and such but hey it’s good to have goals right? I’m telling you right here and now one of the best ways to teach your children about a world in need of Christ is to have them adopt another child similar to them who is from another country. Ashlin’s friend Melissa is from Peru and it is amazing to get letters from her thanking Ashlin for the extra money she sent for her birthday. A little girl we’ve never met from Peru has taught our child things about money and contentment that we never could. Melissa also asks Ashlin to pray for her family who is hurting, a father who is in jail, and other brothers and sisters that need to know Jesus. That kind of stuff stains a kid and I can’t teach them a worldview like that simply by reading them a good book.

Like I said there are numerous other things that we do and that you could do that are just as important and lasting. These are just a few simple examples. I’d love to hear your ideas. It’s your home and they are there only a few brief years... use them wisely.

(next time: Planning family devotions: don’t be a dictator, let them take ownership)

Read More:
Part 1 - The Importance of a Legacy
Part 2 - Preparation
Part 3 - The Struggle

Flying Southwest you never really know what you're going to get. Meaning you show up and they are like, "This is a 14 stop flight... sit back and relax." While on one of these flights, Shelly and I were privileged enough to get to ride on the Shamu 737 for Southwest Airlines. Aboard this thing I kept thinking a few things:

1) Don't whales live in the water?
2) What does an airplane have to do with whales?
3) Why did they spend so long showing me how to inflate my under-seat flotation device?

You would think that being on a 'special' plane would result in special treatment or at least special memories right? Wrong! I don't even think any of the crew knew we were on the Shamu plane. I mean come on... we should have gotten something for this momentous occasion. A whole can of soda? A jumbo (Shamu-sized) package of peanuts? An announcement at our arriving Gate, "Ladies and Gentleman... the Shamu passengers are deboarding please make way." Something???

But we got nothing.

So the next time you see one of these beasts in the air just remember... They don't care about you. They're not there to please you. I think someone should call Sea World and complain. I mean I bet they paid a lot of money for that whale airplane. I should have at least seen a brochure for Sea World or something.